Though the fig tree should not blossom

That dreadful call from the doctor… Over the last 12 months, this is a second dreadful call I had received from the doctor. The first was as devastating as it was shocking. But in time, I got over it. Today, well it’s just another… I am not sure how to describe it. Fear? Uncertainty? But tonight as I sit here and I try to write down how I feel, I think the foremost thought on my mind is “the Lord is the rock of my salvation!” My hope is in God and God directs our hope to the world to come, not in this. What then do I hold so tightly that I give not to God? My life & health? My hopes & desires? So I guess though I do not know where this road of uncertainty will take me, it fills my heart with thanksgiving each day that I am alive. It makes me more desirous to live my life for the Lord, knowing that He is indeed the LORD of my Salvation. Well friends, the time to find our security in the Lord is now because we would never know what tide the next call brings with it.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 17 Though the fig tree should not blossom, And there be no fruit on the vines, Though the yield of the olive should fail, And the fields produce no food, Though the flock should be cut off from the fold, And there be no cattle in the stalls, 18 Yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. 19 The Lord God is my strength, And He has made my feet like hinds' feet, And makes me walk on my high places.

Amazing Grace

A strange thing just yesterday. I was sitting in my office chair, watching a silly Christian movie set in the aftermath of Tiananmen called Bamboo in Winter. The movie had this old 80s feel, a poor contrast and fading color. But some how it’s message of the power & simplicity of the gospel just gripped me. I began to bawl like never before – tears, mucus, saliva and all just poured out from every orifice of my face. I bawled at the state of my poor soul, far remove from my first love. I was moved by the simplicity of the gospel and the new life it brought. Once again my heart was gripped by the grace of God – Amazing grace! I feel so far removed from that abundant life – a simple faith in an all powerful God that drove me to seek this life that is truly living. Far removed from the simple love that caused me to give up my worldly ambitions and walk with him. I guess, with all the training I have received and daily busyness in ministry, my heart has become dull toward His love and grace. Too preoccupied with ministry – teaching, preaching, planning, people, too preoccupied with living – establishing a home, trying to have children and all that jazz! In the hustle and bustle of living, I have alienated myself from life that is truly life. The simple message of the gospel of Jesus Christ filled with grace and love is so powerful, yet I have not allowed it to grip my heart.

I have had a cold for the past week and have not been able to breathe properly. This bawling surely cleared up my sinuses. It’s nice to be able to breathe in deeply. Breathe o my soul, breathe in deeply the grace of your God. Let it grip you and never let go. For one thing I know, I am a great sinner, but Christ is a great Savior.

What a way to start the new year! Perhaps, this is exactly what I needed. I have been thinking about what needs to change in the new year of ministry and maybe this is it – Me! A heart renewed & a love reignited! Brothers and sisters, in this new year, let us resolve to go back to the basics of our spiritual journey to His Word and prayer. Let our hearts be gripped by the simplicity of God’s grace. As John Newtown said, “As my memory fades, I only remember two things. I am a great sinner, but Christ is a great Savior.

Hope that does not disappoint

It’s been a trying month for me as we await to begin the invitro-fertilization process. It’s been a wonderful 5 years of marriage that I have enjoyed. However, there has always been this pinning to have little ones running around. Over the last year, we seek both medical and spiritual counsel and have decided to go ahead with the process. But the emotional anxiety, tedious process, the uncertainties, the cost involved and all the hassle that comes with the process has taken a toll. Sometimes, I do wonder, “Why me?” At times, I wish I could be like so many around me who have no problems making babies. And in my foolishness & weakness of the flesh, I reasoned with God, “Haven’t I given up enough?” Today, once again the love and grace of God gripped my heart, for He gently reminded me from as I was preparing a lesson (Yes, I have become an expert at reading the Bible for the sake of others rather than for my soul)

Romans 5:3-5 3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

At the end of the day, we have a hope that does not disappoint because God cares and He is still in control. We have a pledge of this hope through the Holy Spirit who is in us and an evidence of hope as Paul stated in v. 6 that is God sacrificing His only Son, Jesus Christ for us. God did not rebuke me for my foolishness, but lovingly reminded me of His hope. It’s not a hope that the in-vitro process will be a success, but a hope that God who does not disappoint, is in control. And hope keeps us going for another day.

Brothers and sisters, I guess we all go through difficult periods in our lives – periods of hurt, periods of grieve, periods of suffering, periods of pain and perhaps in the foolishness of flesh, we question our Lord. Yet, I pray you will cling unto our Lord and approach Him through His word, for there we will find Him encompassing us with His love.